Ep. 130 - Erik Robinson - Building a Refuge

[00:00:00] Welcome to Mental Toughness with Dr. Rob Bell.

[00:00:13] Each week, Dr. Rob sits down with athletes, executives, and expert coaches to talk about

[00:00:18] mental toughness and their hinge moment.

[00:00:21] Here's your hostentus.com. Leading the way in human performance is Live Momentus. For listening man. I think you and I, we both have this in common. Like after our first semester in college, like we were both on academic probation. Yeah, that is very true. I tried to put that behind me, but for some reason, people keep talking about it. And it's part of my story.

[00:03:01] It's part of your story.

[00:03:02] It's what got us here.

[00:03:04] And yeah, we learned our lessons, we had a good time. And that was, that was a big distraction. Were they really ball state was the top 10? Oh yeah, man. It was the playboys list of top 10. Party schools in the country. Oh yeah, in every year, man. And it was, it was crazy, but it was not fun. Yeah. That's it.

[00:04:20] That's not good.

[00:04:21] I mean, that's impressive, man, because ball state,

[00:04:23] I mean, that's the last place that I would want to go to like

[00:04:27] to party, you know? through to a straight out of college. So it was a bunch of young people, a bunch of people that were hungry to make it, hungry to do what they needed to do to make it. And my boss was a great boss. He was fantastic. And he was always looking, he was very energetic, very, he's a very energetic guy. And he was always looking for other avenues of income,

[00:05:41] other things to do.

[00:05:42] And one of those was real estate.

[00:05:44] And he had kept after me, you know,

[00:05:46] to try to do something. all the while I had a full-time 40-hour-a-week job that I was doing and I was newly married and by that time had we had started discussing having kids and everything. So it was something to where I had to commit fully and I did and I made that decision.

[00:07:01] And to be honest with you Rob, it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

[00:08:04] I had no intention of starting a business and growing it the way that it grew.

[00:08:10] So, like I said in the beginning, and I also, like my dad was my business partner.

[00:08:16] And one of the things that we saw in Indianapolis at the time, there was vacant houses everywhere.

[00:08:21] And there was housing issues and there's a lot of things going on in India at the time.

[00:09:40] And originally when we, my dad and I did investing, when I decided to make that leap, I had about 20 houses. And I was at my full capacity with working on a 40-hour week job and doing that. And I was like, I've got to make a decision one way or the other. And so we went for it. And we went full bore.

[00:09:42] And it was a good decision.

[00:09:45] It was crazy for about three years.

[00:09:47] I love it, man. high school, college, all that stuff. I never really experienced any type of failure. And so I was never really one to lack confidence in myself to put it nicely. I wasn't an asshole or anything, but I was very confident and most of that was internal.

[00:11:03] And so when I was going, it just didn't fit in.

[00:12:21] And the guys that I was hanging with, it's an interesting time of growth of, you know, eye-opening things for me, for sure. So the real estate market then takes a term because the entire economy start walking us through then that experience and how quickly that, that, you know, what you had

[00:13:41] built. I mean, how that had just started to erode family. And so if one person lost their job, like they were in trouble. And part of my downfall was that as I operated my business with my heart instead of with my mind.

[00:15:02] And so a lot of times I would let those people escape

[00:15:05] for a month here equity in our homes. You couldn't refinance because they didn't do appraisal. They wouldn't give you an appraised value on those homes. And then when you're trying to release it, if you did go in and fix it up and you tried to release it, you couldn't find people to do it because they didn't have a job. Right. So it was just just this perfect storm.

[00:16:20] And like I said, I made it a little bit longer than most investors did.

[00:16:24] But by the end of 2009, I was staring and, you know, I mean, obviously there are a lot of points along the way, but one time you mentioned, you know, your wife Jennifer went and because you had to hide this from her as well. I mean, this was something you could just let her know. So I mean, you, but she went and was one of those classic examples, right? To pay for groceries and it bounced, right?

[00:17:42] Like there wasn't anything in there.

[00:17:44] Yeah.

[00:17:45] What were a couple of other, what were a couple of those incidences, man, that stand out

[00:17:48] in that? trip. So it's a couple hundred bucks and and she got in line and you know Sunday afternoon is a busy time at the grocery store and she comes up and tries to pay and she she gets denied and so she had to take all those groceries and put them off to the side and she called me. She's like here because there's something wrong with this. She's I and I played that one off too. I was like oh sorry honey you

[00:19:01] know I've got a check coming and it'll be in there Monday or Tuesday and we hung I had really kind of compartmentalized this whole thing. And I had always worked my way out of things. And so, but this specific situation, there was no working out of this one. There was no way I was gonna recover from this because, you know, $30,000 turned into $100,000,

[00:20:20] turned into $150,000 real quick.

[00:20:23] And I just, I didn't have it.

[00:20:24] And so knowing that there wasn't anything else coming in, you know, that were working for me who were wanting work. And, you know, I was promising them work all this time saying, hey, they'll come, it'll come, it'll come, it'll come, it never came. We're right around Thanksgiving, which next in mind was Christmas, so all these people were counting on me to support their families and to give them Christmas. So there's a lot of pressure, a lot of stress.

[00:21:40] And one of the things that this surgery allowed me to do

[00:21:44] was to kind of hibernate and skip and get out

[00:22:50] walk us through then how bad that situation got and then the culmination of that when you had that voice in your head. Yeah, so like I said, I recovered for about a week in the basement and it was a as well, whatever, drinking those. That and tomato soup, man, and it was terrible. And so my wife would bring me down the stuff, you know, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I told her on the second day when she came down to give me this enfamel lunch, or this, and sure lunch,

[00:24:24] I said, hey, honey, you know, don't, I don't want the kids

[00:24:27] to see me like this. And my possessions were being taken away from me. And for whatever reason, and well, you and I know the reason that these thoughts are being dropped in our heads is that if I wasn't the provider, then who was I? If I wasn't the guy bringing in the money,

[00:25:40] then what kind of father am I?

[00:25:42] What kind of husband am I?

[00:25:44] And that whole side of the money side of the greed side of it,

[00:26:48] running through my head. And it was all about the fact that I was a failure. As a failure in every aspect of being a dad, being a son, being a husband, there was no worth for me

[00:26:56] being there and they would all be better off without me there.

[00:26:59] And so you had pictured in your mind, like way for your spouse to find you dead. I mean, that's just irrational. And so I was trying to think of ways to mitigate it and to make it

[00:28:22] look better. And in my mind at the time, my dark, dark thing I remember until I was at the top of the stairs. When I got to the top of the stairs, I heard this voice and said, get out of the house, get out of the house right now and get out of the house and just kept saying get out of the house, get out of the house. And at the time, I had this big obnoxious Jeep.

[00:29:40] And I jumped into it and I was like, okay, I'm just gonna get out of here like I didn't really know what was or three years. Doug's trees. Yeah. Good friend of both of us. And I hadn't seen him in like two or three years. And he called me because he was at the stoplight caddy corner to me and he saw me in my Jeep. He said, Eric, how's the how things going? And I said, I like, well, Doug, to be honest with you, they're going terrible.

[00:31:02] He goes, okay, there's a Starbucks down the road.

[00:31:05] Let's go grab some coffee.

[00:31:07] All right. have them not only understand, but to listen and to encourage. And that, that three hours, say, my life. And,

[00:32:22] you know, we, you and I both know Doug, and you know how big his heart is.

[00:32:25] And I remember after, you can't do this. Like there's no way you can tell her it's going to crush her. She's going to leave you. She's going to take your kids. And I'm going to be that dude living by himself in an apartment. All by himself. I'm not going to ever see my kids were driving up to this event, which was about two hour north of where we live. And we got about three miles down the road and I was like, kind of pull over.

[00:35:00] She was driving at the time and we pulled of my wife, that listening to me and not judging me and not not shaming investors. And in order to qualify for a loan, a lot of them utilize their down payment, like their 401Ks or IRAs for the down payments.

[00:37:41] They borrowed against those.

[00:37:43] And the first couple were fine.

[00:37:45] The third and fourth one were okay, And they like, then they showed me right where that statement was. And I never really paid attention. I mean, how many things have we looked at on a mortgage document that we don't pay attention to? And I told him. I said, hey, I've got to do this. I've got to closing at 2 o'clock this afternoon that I need this money for. So he went ahead and closed it. And that act right there, I committed a felony.

[00:39:04] And so while all this is going on, outside of my garage, I was doing something with, you know, like a weed wacker or something. And they come walking up the driveway and they're like, hey, are you here at Robinson? I'm like, yeah. And they say, well, we'd like to talk with you. And immediately, it's funny you mentioned the movie thing. Immediately in my mind, I'm thinking, call you,

[00:40:20] you're turning, call you're turning.

[00:40:21] Say you got a puppy.

[00:40:23] And so I was like, I'd be happy to talk to you.

[00:40:25] I said, I'm not really sure about what, And we had an opportunity to go out there to volunteer. We were just going out on Memorial Day weekend. It was me and the kids and my wife, and we went out there and we ended up meeting a family and hanging with them for a while. And then I ended up coming to make a long story short with that situation. I ended up going back there several times

[00:41:40] to help out do different things.

[00:41:43] That tornado devastated that city

[00:41:45] and wiped out a lot of stuff.

[00:41:47] There's a lot of work to be done. basement. You can live in our basement and you can do whatever you need to start consult with that church and we did a couple houses and helped some people out, made some money and're here to get you. And I was like, who's here to get me? Like, what are you talking about? Like the FBI is here and they want to arrest you.

[00:44:23] And I remember I looked over at my mom,

[00:44:26] who was sitting there, my fraud and mail fraud for the, in the federal system is kind of a catch all. And the reason that I got charged with mail fraud is because I used to cashiers check. Kind of like a firm. Like a movie to firm, right?

[00:45:40] I'm telling you man, like when you start looking at that movie

[00:45:44] and a couple others are dead on, they really are.

[00:45:46] So why, why 21 months still for mail fraud? I mean, it wasn't like I was hiding anything. I had cashier's checks in my company's name that I brought to the closing table and they had records of all that. So I did exactly what they said I did. And part of the thing that got this whole thing going was I had a business partner who was investing with me,

[00:47:01] who eventually became my business partner.

[00:47:03] He was an investor and then went into business with me,

[00:47:07] come to find out he was investing money because we thought we were gonna be able to see each other all the time. And that just wasn't the case. So, and actually New Year's Eve, December 31st, 2012, I reported to prison. And I will never forget it. I wasn't gonna put my wife through taking me that. I self-reported so they, when they arrested me, they released me on my own

[00:48:23] recognizance and I waited for sentencing and I waited for all that stuff.

[00:49:29] My dad looked at me and I've never really seen this look, you know, in his eye before. But he said he goes, Eric, you guys, I know you can't get out of this, but he's like, I'm telling you right now, they'd let me walk in there today and do your time. I do it for you.

[00:49:42] And I just, I just, I'm not a real intimidating guy. I'm not the biggest guy in the room. And my man, it's going to go down. Like I'm going to have to defend myself and all this stuff. And it, you know, that moment with my dad helped me walk through those gates and gave my mom a big hug, gave him another hug.

[00:51:01] And I walked through razor wire and double fences and got processed and put in prison.

[00:52:02] And over time I found out I was actually gonna go to prison cause I held out hope for a long time

[00:52:04] that I was gonna get like house arrest

[00:52:06] or probation or something.

[00:52:07] Had all these people coming to me saying,

[00:52:09] hey I'm praying for you, praying for you.

[00:52:11] Well as the time went by, my heart got hard

[00:52:14] because I was like, look,

[00:52:16] like I didn't understand your praying for me

[00:52:18] but it ain't working.

[00:52:19] And that's another one of those irrational thoughts.

[00:52:22] It's like, I got all these people out here praying for me.

[00:52:24] Where's God and all this stuff?

[00:52:26] You know, why am I had to rely on something else other than myself. Because what I was feeling and what I was capable of processing in my mind at that time, I wasn't going to is New Year's Eve on 2000, 2012. And so all these guys who had been in there for a long time, it was New Year's Eve, so they were having a good time, you know, and there's a lot of stuff that goes on in prison with drugs and alcohol and all that stuff. And so I walk in there and everything's

[00:55:02] jumping off, like there's people, you know, right around that time before I went in.

[00:56:20] And man, I looked like I was like on meth.

[00:56:24] I mean, I was, my eyes were sunken in.

[00:56:27] It was doing. But something happened to me like two weeks into

[00:57:42] my stay there in order to go to the chow hall and he stuck out his hand and said hey man I'm shitty how's it going? And I was just like damn like and I was still waiting for like the left to come across you know and it never happened and it never happened and from that day forward

[01:00:02] and hang out and then go. And I'm sitting there telling them

[01:00:04] what all these people have been filling my head with.

[01:00:06] I'm like, I'm here to, I'm in prison for a mission.

[01:00:09] I'm here to save souls.

[01:00:11] And I was telling them this, arrogantly, ego pride, right?

[01:00:13] Like what we already talked about.

[01:00:15] And I'm telling them this and Chitty's just kind of,

[01:00:17] our marriage is kind of looking at me and nodding

[01:00:20] and smiling and it was like,

[01:00:22] and we had probably gone through two or three weeks of me

[01:00:25] just flapping my gimes and telling them all this stuff.

[01:00:28] And I'm not doing anything. rationalizing in my head, that's why I was there. In an instant, I mean, and I must have turned why he was a ghost when he said that because in an instant he ruined my coping mechanism. Cause I knew what he was getting at. He's like, he's like, Eric, you're, Paul was in prison for the sake of the gospel. You're here because you committed a film.

[01:01:42] And I remember for the next couple of weeks, like I was so pissed off at him.

[01:01:44] I was like, man, you just completely ruined everything. that that conversation two weeks prior ruined my time there, but that conversation that he had with me about the idea of joy and regard to your circumstances and the lessons that we learned going forward completely changed the trajectory of what I would get out of that 18 months in prison.

[01:03:02] Because going in there, I was up here. I out with me. You know, I could see things now. You know, you hear that old adage of, you have eyes to see, you know, and he gave me eyes to see, not shitty, God gave me eyes to see. And the shitty just helped me help reveal that to me through scripture.

[01:04:21] And so what we would do every Friday, man,

[01:04:24] and it was more than every Friday,

[01:04:25] it was in simple conversation.

[01:04:28] Every Friday we'd send the kids off.

[01:05:42] I mean, because my wife, she'd come. And like, when you have that, all those things, you know, happen and you get, you see that. And it wasn't all good, man. Like I don't wanna, I don't wanna say that my stay in prison was all rosy. It wasn't. I was away from my family.

[01:07:00] I had to deal with all the guilt and all the shame

[01:07:03] that still crept in there all the time.

[01:07:05] But we had an avenue to talk about it, man. and you literally are carrying papers around of what you did. And so what we went through and what we worked through was it's not what we did, what we did is not who we are. It's our relationship with Christ that makes us who we are. And it's, I just, I can't explain the depths

[01:08:24] of some of the conversations that was going on outside of it. I didn't have to deal with that stuff. I could work on myself. And so I didn't really get the sentence my wife did.

[01:09:40] And so I just remember just feeling this dread

[01:09:44] and it sounds really silly.

[01:09:45] And a lot of people say that we build up and build up and build up can be squashed immediately in the conversation. They really can. And that's what the guys that we talked with today, and hopefully the guys that will see this, if there's one thing I can say, man,

[01:11:01] go talk to somebody.

[01:11:03] It might not be your spouse.

[01:11:04] You might not have that trust in your spouse.

[01:11:06] I don't know.

[01:11:07] It might be your dad. And then all the while, I had no idea what I was going to do for a living. I had no idea what I was going to do to support my family. And so we came out. I was blessed to get a job out of town north of here, doing some operations at a plant. And it was great.

[01:12:20] It was a good job to have at the time because I was flexible in what I could do and I could or available for download at kucoradio.com. For sure. And so we just did life, man. We did life for about a year, did that job, and some good things started to happen. Really worked on my marriage,

[01:13:40] really worked on just getting back into my kids' lives,

[01:13:43] because my kids at the time when I went into prison

[01:13:45] were six and 10 years old. This is how funny God is. When I, my first job when I came out of prison was right across the street, literally right across the street from a max facility state prison right across the street from where I worked. So every day I'd come in and out of there, and I remember seeing guys out in the yard and I, I pray for them and I knew what they-founder. And it's been hard and it's been awesome all at the same time. And you've experienced some of our meetings. You've been to some of the things that we do. There's a lot of people that have come around us and a lot of cool partnerships that have evolved from it

[01:16:20] and my life's better because of it.

[01:16:25] Yeah, no, nothing but harm. That does nothing but bad because we are left alone with our thoughts. And so when we can provide

[01:17:41] opportunities for guys to bring hope and stories.

[01:19:02] And we do that through education awareness. And then we obviously, like you had mentioned,