Ep. 129 - Kelley James - Finding Your Flow

[00:00:00] Welcome to Mental Toughness with Dr. Rob Bell.

[00:00:13] Each week, Dr. Rob sits down with athletes, executives, and expert coaches to talk about

[00:00:18] mental toughness and their hinge moment.

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[00:01:41] Optimize, Kelly, my man. But thanks so much for taking the time. So glad we got to do music and I think the most special moments happen when two different styles are blended together in a really creative way. So you use the example of Sublime, that's probably the one that hits closest to home for me.

[00:04:21] It was just, you know, I say it all the time on stage,

[00:04:23] but they took reggae, punk rock, the crazy part to that point though is, you know, they were making music from a place of like true authenticity. And like, it was the core of what they were, it was the lifestyle. Truthfully, to both of their kind of detriments, like, you know, they lived that life, like Tupac lived that gangster rap life, like Bradley Noel lived fake it, you can't synthesize it. I make mistakes while I'm doing it. It's authentic. It's not this pre-written, pre-fab thing. And I think that moment is a real moment, not to toot my own horn. But, you know, I think that artists always have to figure out ways to just create something or capture something that's real

[00:07:02] and authentic. And when that happens, that's what life is just think about all the people that we love in our lives and we love them mainly because they're so genuine like those are the people that were drawn to in our lives and they could be genuinely funny they could be genuinely serious they could be genuinely loving but like when you see something that is authentic and something that is real you can feel that like it's not a

[00:09:28] you know, again, an entrepreneur or, you know, even, you know, you run down the line of other things in life, you know, like authentic love, like as a parent, like to like truly love

[00:09:33] a child in like a very meaningful way or to discipline them in a meaningful way on the other

[00:09:39] side of the spectrum. Like when it's authentic and be me, you know, I'm not like this crazy, crazy, um, you know, rated R human. I'm not this like super, you know, wild personality. Uh, if I can just like dress the way that I dress in real life on stage, if I can talk about the things that I like talking about on stage, play the songs

[00:11:02] that I like listening to on stage, on it's like Zen, I don't know the way to classify it, but like that is like the essence of kind of mastering living. And you know, I think as one more younger, we want to add, you want to add stuff, you want to add things, you want more of that, you want more

[00:12:20] of this. If I have 30 of these, I'll get this two-minute drill, right? Like no show you ever do is the same. I mean, you are, you are doubting and having to improvise, having to make plays. Um, the hinge moment, I mean, your freestyle rap was just that, right?

[00:13:42] It started as a stop gap.

[00:13:44] Like when, when you, one of your stage shows had issues, talk to us about that.

[00:14:45] to do it if I'm being honest. I thought it was kind of like this, oh no no you can't do those two things and people told me all the time like you kind of can't do those two things but I just kept

[00:14:50] doing it. People liked it and it like to your point it was a stop gap kind of in a show if

[00:14:55] something went wrong or if it was like a lull or a weird moment I would just freestyle and start

[00:15:00] rapping about stuff and I started to notice that that thing was the spark. That was what sport asks us to do. Sport is really just saying, be here. Like nothing else matters. Like if you were participating or even a fan, right? It's like be here, be in the moment. So every sport's asking the distractions are the outcome, how it's going to work out. You even take it to the next level, because you then in the moment get to interact

[00:16:21] and share that with the crowd.

[00:16:22] Where if you're an athlete a lot of times,

[00:16:24] yeah, you can share off the energy,

[00:16:25] but you're the one that that kind of in the moment feeling was definitely, and still is the driver. And then to your point to be able to share that with an audience and have them feel that with me, it's pretty cool. Because when I get random topics and nobody

[00:17:43] knows, including myself, what's going to be said, that's not like real life, in that there's so many things that get thrown at us day to day. And it's like our job is like successful human beings to just adapt and modify and understand and it's our job to stand on stage and figure out ways to present like an awesome entertainment experience for an audience that is going to change and fluctuate throughout the night. There is going to be nothing that is the same. We can have certain expectations for it but there are those that like work the crowd and they will throw stuff out and they will just be working the crowd the whole time and that's their thing. And I've always been amazed by that because I've always had a fear like if I'm speaking like I can crush it no problem. But if I give the audience the mic I don't know, I've had this conversation with a lot of athletes. We all know like when we play our best or when we do our best, you kind of can't care. Like, and it's almost like this continuum that connects on the other side. You literally have to like not care,

[00:23:02] but inherently you care more than anything in the world.

[00:23:05] Like this is what you do. whatever happens is going to happen, it won't be from a lack of me trying and it won't be from a lack of me not inherently caring, but it's going to happen that way. I'll deal with whatever those consequences are and I think that's where the magic happens. I think that's where you open up. I think that's where you allow things to happen. And I think that's where you can operate in like this super free space mentally because

[00:24:24] you know that you're gonna you've tried. You know just like, cool, let's go. I'm going to just roll the dice. There's a million times where I stand on stage and I'm just like, Oh my God, this is going to be a disaster. Like mathematically, this is not going to work. But you know what? I stand up there and I roll the dice and there's been so many times where like, it's actually been the complete opposite. It's been like absolutely

[00:25:43] magical. And then there's been times where I do you know, I look at that balance there of, we care about the process. You care about your preparation. You put everything you have into that. Then when you do that, there has to be already heading in, like you said, and an acceptance of the outcome

[00:27:00] and it's gonna be what it will be.

[00:27:02] Like I want somebody,

[00:27:03] this is my personal sick Lex Luthor sort of,

[00:27:07] I want somebody to hold up a trophy and give max effort, then to your point, it is what it is. It just, it win or lose. It was gonna go either way. So talk to us then about like your freestyle, how that just equates into like surfing, for instance. Ooh, great question.

[00:28:23] You know, again, we go back to the sport analogy.

[00:29:40] When I surf, I'm in like a crazy, certain days, the swell can be amazing, the waves are perfect. And other days it can, the wind can blow out the whole thing and it can be absolutely horrendous. But you're just trying to maximize what you've been given by the ocean. You have no say in it. It is way more powerful than you'll ever be. And it is so unpredictable. Um, and that again, that's the metaphor for life right there.

[00:29:45] Um, and it's just your job to take in whatever is given to you, whatever that ocean gives to you.

[00:29:46] Oh, wow, I was in this spot and it gave me that wave.

[00:30:47] that with a certain amount of preparation and accepting the outcome, you know, that's really what I do when I freestyle. That's what I feel like people who are performing at their

[00:30:52] PPP level do. Surfing to me just doesn't happen to fall in the job category. So it's

[00:30:58] only enjoyment. There really is no downside. If I'm in that ocean. I just feel lucky to be there. Every way that I catch feels like a gift. You know, maybe because it's no phones, no distractions. I can be by myself. That's a good lead in for a man. How this kind of evolved. And then when you were thrown into freestyle and, you know, with actual groups, you know, George Clooney, Cindy Crawford, Phil and Michael St. Andy Garcia, right? Like that was the first group you had. I mean, you know, tee it up man and take us from there.

[00:33:42] Yeah.

[00:33:43] I mean, the kind of short, short of it is.

[00:33:46] I used to play in Scot minutes, whatever the time is. And then I didn't understand. Yeah, in the morning, and I didn't understand that they had a, that they had a separate, you know, set up for us with all our instruments, a duplicate set up on the first hole of this tournament at Madison Club.

[00:35:02] And, you know, it was a, it was a, it was a crazy little, like what did you, you drew on your experience at that point and then just, it just organically happened. Yeah, I mean, you know, and it's still kind of what I do. Like I just try to consume a certain amount of information and know that like, I just, I guess the way I approach the consumption of better know, like every single piece is valuable. So if I turn on, you know, I got two TVs right here, one usually a sports or sports center or something in that zone. And one has like some kind of like news centric financial centric thing. And everything that pops up is important. You know, I've subscribed all these magazines. I know it's kind of archaic,

[00:37:42] but like I just flipped through magazines trip probably, I don't know, maybe eight years ago somewhere in the zone. I went on a surf trip to Fiji for like 10 days. And I looked

[00:39:01] at nothing. It was kind of like a cleanse. I didn't read about it. I had no idea. So with that said, it's just important for me to make sure that I know at least hilarious about it, about a lot of stuff.

[00:40:21] That's hilarious, man.

[00:40:22] Because you literally, I went under a rock and I was just in Fiji's here for the last

[00:40:25] 10 days.

[00:40:26] Yeah.

[00:40:27] But how do you explain that? just to kind of get my head into space where it's like, okay, here we go. We're gonna let this thing happen. It's either gonna come and it's gonna flow or it's not, but we're just gonna try to free it all up and just go. And it goes back to what we were talking about before. Just being okay with the outcome, like that's been the hardest part for me

[00:41:43] to just hammer in over, again, the last 18 years is like,

[00:42:48] when I was at 16, that'll never happen unless somebody slips something in my drink and I get hit in the head with a hammer. I'll never be that, but I'll be at my floor. I definitely

[00:42:58] know what my worst feels like and I know when I miss stuff little bit more gratitude for what I do, but I don't know. I get stuck a lot in the, I suck zone. It's interesting, man, because Gary Brack is a Super Bowl champ that comes to mind pretty easy.

[00:44:20] I like talking to Super Bowl champs that have won it

[00:44:22] and lost it.

[00:44:24] And I kind of ask him the question,

[00:44:25] which one do you think about more often?

[00:44:27] Bam, put that in doubt a losing one. Yeah. I mean, what stands out to you about both those experiences in terms of, you know, how everything kind of unfolds and goes?

[00:45:42] You know, I mean, I think it's a different level of pressure. That's why I think team sports are pretty crazy because there's one thing to let yourself down. We all let ourselves down. But when you let yourself down and X, 10 other guys, 11 other guys,

[00:47:00] that's a heavy burden to bear.

[00:47:04] And I just like that mindset piece, what do you see? I see like the exact same demeanor and feel and flow that he has when he plays basketball. Like, you know, like when he puts, like or when he'll hit an important shot, he'll do like the little shoulder shimmy,

[00:48:21] like, you know, it's the same thing.

[00:48:23] He just, he truly understands

[00:49:25] in the next one, right? It's just that's the that you can't get a better mentality than that.

[00:49:30] But yeah, having played golf with them like it's silly. I mean, it's absolutely silly. We played this one round probably three years ago. I think it was like at some point during COVID and we were

[00:49:37] playing San Francisco golf club and he was carrying his own bag. So we were all carrying our own bags, birdies after that and I'll still be one under after three. Like that's just the mentality and our dude SC30, he's got it. Love it, man. Can you talk to us about your time helping families, because I knew this was near and dear to your heart, just especially through COVID. I mean, helping families with food insecurity.

[00:51:01] Yeah.

[00:51:04] 2020, I think for all of us was a wild time.

[00:52:24] I watched the entire music industry get put on pause. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to not be able to feed my children or to know that they were Not getting you know the nutrition that they root causes. The scary part is our other great partner, lineage logistics, which is the world's largest food, cold storage company, the food exists.

[00:53:42] All the food is out there.

[00:53:43] So it's actually not a food issue, it's a logistics issue.

[00:53:47] It's how do we get this food that exists We are the wealthiest, most prosperous nation in the history of the world. And kids should eat. And that was really just the basics of us doing the tour. So we did it essentially for three summers and still work with Eat, Learn, Play, still work with lineage and really make sure that all of our charitable efforts go back to those causes.

[00:55:03] Feeding America was huge.

[00:55:05] They were really helpful in helping us to your favorite music, but you're sick of all the commercial interruptions and negative news today. Tune into kuco radio.com music for your mindset. We're a commercial free online radio station. Play nothing but hits. Our free iOS and Android apps are available for download at kuco radio.com.

[00:56:21] Um, well, question should I be asking that, that I'm not asking?

[00:57:25] I don't think there's ever been a better time to be a music consumer. There's an infinite amount of music and it is absolutely spectacular.

[00:57:29] It is essentially free to listen to.

[00:57:33] There's no shortage of wonderful, wonderful music that's being made.

[00:57:38] And there's just this wide open landscape blank. Now you can't tell. You can

[00:59:00] make a wonderful sounding song in your bedroom if you for TV and film. So it's a scenario where we are getting paid a significant amount of money upfront to make music. But that's the part that makes me sad.

[01:00:20] When I could, or when I came up,

[01:00:23] I could tour and I could sell 5,000 CDs, let's say,

[01:01:22] it's only going to get harder to monetize that and truly have a career where you can generate meaningful

[01:01:25] revenue to have a life and a quote unquote title as,

[01:01:31] I do music for my job.

[01:01:33] I just, that piece makes me sad that these creators

[01:01:39] aren't gonna be compensated in the way

[01:01:41] that I feel like they should.

[01:01:44] Now, I appreciate you sharing it, man.

[01:02:48] don't know. I don't know how it changes. It has to come from the top. It has to come from, you know, to your point, Taylor Swift's Drake, you know, the bad bunnies of the world. Like,

[01:02:55] you know, if the Taylor Swift's of the world can like step up and do it, that's really the only

[01:03:02] chance. Otherwise, again, everybody's just getting, people are going to anything for less than this. We're going to hold back, you know, their, you know, product. There's just ways to, you know, basic business maneuvers that, you know, create an ecosystem where you can have value in a product, you can increase value and you can, you know, again, create equity in a brand, be it a visual artist or

[01:04:23] a musician. But I don't know how that turns. I'm in a question. Nobody cares. And we don't care for film. Do you do if it's if it's a film that absolutely blows your mind. Do you care if AI wrote it or a human wrote it? What do you care? I don't care. Give me the best product. Right. You know, you know, I mean, this this iPhone, I don't care if all of a sudden,

[01:05:46] like I have some crazy new feature.

[01:06:44] Music has historically kind of been the first thing to always fall because it's sort of the the weakest in terms of again barriers to entry. But I think it's just a sign of where

[01:06:51] a lot of things are going. You know, it's just that technology specifically AI

[01:06:57] is going to take over a lot. And you know, the consumer doesn't care. And I think there's going

[01:07:04] to be a lot of great musicians that aren the right way. All right, give me, give me just a random topic. Give me like a random word, a thought, anything you want.

[01:08:24] Dormy.

[01:08:27] Dormy, I like that. Everybody knows that life, it ain't easy, it's a competition every day. And everybody knows you try, all of us, just to go and play.

[01:09:41] Like we talked about, in the last hour, you can't be sour.

[01:09:46] Everybody knows it's now or never comes. You push the match, that's a metaphor for every day Just tryin' to push and go along in that little path And honestly sing your own song You started off the round, you were like I need Just to make 18 birdies Cause that's the philosophy that you need To have to achieve a good victory

[01:11:00] But we know that that's not really how it goes

[01:11:02] Double bogeys left and right, you're like oh

[01:11:05] But you gotta bounce back, that's the mental space Thanks for listening to Mental Toughness with Dr. Rob Bell. To find out more about Dr. Rob, visit his website at www.DrRobBell.com or follow him

[01:12:23] on Twitter at www.DrRobBell.com.