Ep. 128 - Lindsey Wilson - Three Skills Every Mental Coach Needs

[00:00:00] Welcome to Mental Toughness with Dr. Rob Bell.

[00:00:13] Each week, Dr. Rob sits down with athletes, executives, and expert coaches to talk about

[00:00:18] mental toughness and their hinge moment.

[00:00:21] Here's your hostentus.com. Leading the way in human performance is LiveMomentus to start with your story. So a hinge moment, your age 16, obviously playing basketball competitive and you encountered a mental coach. And that's where our stories are kind of similar. But talk about that and then how that transformed into you doing what you wanted to do.

[00:03:00] Yeah, I love that term, the hinge moments because I think all of us can look back on our life and there say I knew I was the problem. You know, I could sense it because I could feel myself holding myself back. Like I would play and I'd be like, why did I do that? And why was I playing so scared or so nervous or so small? And I couldn't figure out why. So I said, I was said, I knew I was the problem. I didn't yet know that I was the solution.

[00:04:22] And I would say that that's really like is when a student is ready, the teacher appears, and that has been so true in my life. And that was one of those moments where my mom had a conversation with somebody at work who knew somebody else that was doing that. And this was like 1996. I mean, nobody

[00:05:41] was talking about mental performance. And she ended up having a conversation with somebody,

[00:06:43] thinking as much because we I think you and I are both in agreement. The mental game is more about subtraction than it is addition, right? It's about removing that stuff that

[00:06:47] just doesn't apply. Do you remember what was it that really made that difference for you?

[00:06:52] Um, well, I think on a really basic level, fighting against it, this is how their brain works. And so this is how we're going to do it moving forward, meaning like we're going to talk really nice to ourselves. We're going to have positive self talk. We're going to use visualization and we're going to try to get our brain on board with these goals that you're working towards and you're saying that you want. And that break is really your subconscious holding

[00:08:23] you back. And that's congratulations. You me like really quickly. How did that transfer when you went to college, you know, because the transfer from obviously high school to college and being a good athlete though I mean everybody's good and there's a lot of.

[00:10:43] just so and but that's not that uncommon right there's just a lot coming at you freshman year and I think the mental component is so rarely trained early on that people get

[00:10:52] to that next level and even if they I mean assuming they can even get there you get there and then

[00:10:56] you're like oh I got to learn all this stuff and apply it now to this level so I had kind of like

[00:11:01] quote-unquote mastered it at the high school level around and I saw no one talking about it. I saw no one training it. I saw, you know, this was 2000, 1999, 2000.

[00:12:21] There was no like readily available resources. Like our coaches cared about us. I think they every year, college is very challenging from a mental standpoint. So you develop in these skills, then you play professionally eight years overseas and talk to us about, and again, like specifically in terms of like how your mental development took place then, because that's a whole another shift then

[00:13:40] of, you know, trying to play professionally.

[00:13:42] You're growing up at the same time, living, um, talk to us about what stands

[00:13:47] out to you about that experience.

[00:14:45] and we also lost like 50 points a game with graduation

[00:14:48] and like we just, it was a really hard year. I remember just being embarrassed a lot

[00:14:51] and so I had to practice all that then.

[00:14:54] Then I go and play professionally

[00:14:57] and I had a really good base of being successful

[00:15:03] and like the mental component that goes into that.

[00:15:05] And also the mental component that goes into failing night felt like I had dialed into like being relatively successful. Like I was making money, we were winning games. I basically had a contract every year and I remember that sort of like deep-seated feeling of like, but what's next? Like what's and of course for me like the the the external was

[00:16:20] like trying to make the WNBA which I never actually that, but how could I do it intentionally? And I started working with a hypnotist. I was a friend of a friend of a coach that I knew that I'd had a conversation with. And I started working with him and I knew immediately that that was my graduate level, so to speak.

[00:17:42] And he started really teaching me about this.

[00:18:59] like they had a really, really bad experience with the coach athlete and no one was ever there to help them or they reached a certain level and their self awareness was so high that not only were they scoring more and it had to be more than that for me to be that far away from my family for that long. So you then go into any room with people I didn't know, a lot of times I would just say that I'm in fitness or something because I couldn't take like the onslaught of attention. Right. Because it was just like, and that probably wasn't like the best like business building strategy now that I think about it. But at the time I was just like,

[00:21:41] I can't handle that I would never get any insight

[00:21:47] into anybody else. like your motivational speaker, or you mean like, like, like, ex-sus physiologist or PT, so the fight that none. And so it's like, I just totally bypass that stuff and then just make jokes about it. And then, yeah, I don't ease the attention. But I sorry for the tangent. I really just wanted to ask because, you know, talk about it. Well, I mean, it is relevant though, because it is like one of those things where it's like,

[00:23:03] how do you say it in a concise way?

[00:24:02] coaching business or people just want to implement mental training?

[00:24:05] Now people that want to start their own mental coaching business.

[00:24:10] Well, what I see is a lot of people getting really caught up in, um,

[00:24:17] not knowing where to start and they get in their own head about whether they can

[00:24:21] do it or whether they need to go back to school. And I think, um,

[00:24:26] you know, what, I don't know if you know, Jeff Jansen play the guitar. You know, like if you don't want to just wanna F around, like cool, you know, that's fine. But if you're actually trying to get somewhere, you don't wanna do that. I also see the all or nothing thinking. So I see a lot of people get paralyzed by like, I need to go get my, and you're actually like,

[00:25:40] you know, you've actually studied this,

[00:25:42] but I've found for a lot of people,

[00:25:44] they get overwhelmed with like,

[00:25:45] do I need to go back to school?

[00:25:47] Do I need to go back to school or they think I'll just do it myself and like YouTube it. And either one of those paths like gets them the momentum that they need to get going. And so one of the things we've offered is the Ultimate Minds that Coaching Toolkit which is

[00:27:02] basically how to sit down and run a session. And it's like, well, you may be ready right now. Why don't you just try these few different things? Sure. No, that's fantastic. We that you put that framework around it. When you talk about three must have skills, you need to be successful mindset coach. Can you elaborate on those?

[00:28:21] So I always say, live it. You teach it. You live it. You know it to learn it on a deeper level that helps you make tweaks and just little changes that make your ability to teach it stronger. And you also have more confidence because you're like, I don't need anybody else in the believe in this stuff. I know it works. So if an athlete's rolling their eyes, it's cool. They can roll their eyes. I know this stuff works because I'm living it on a day to day basis.

[00:29:44] So I think living it's really, really important. But that is also a separate skill set being able to get people on board with the thing that you think that they need is a skill set in and of itself. So those are the three things that

[00:31:01] we really focus on in the certification. And like you talked about, we talked about in

[00:31:04] how to become a mental performance coach, which, well, three months, six months and, you know, whatever the package is going to be.

[00:32:20] Yeah.

[00:32:22] In terms of selling and pricing.

[00:33:23] that they have like for themselves, hey, I'm not good enough. I can't charge that.

[00:33:24] But I think what happens is we don't charge anything

[00:33:27] and we start getting the wrong clients

[00:33:30] and we're just giving it away.

[00:33:31] Cause I believe when people pay, they pay attention.

[00:33:35] You know, they provide a value to it, right?

[00:33:36] We're not selling just a junker, like you're selling Alexis.

[00:33:40] Like if the not everybody's gonna be able to buy it.

[00:33:44] But when they buy that, there's more appreciation to it.

[00:33:47] And I know I'm all over.

[00:33:48] I'm gonna kind of concise it again. As you alluded to, this is our mental game because when we get to the place where we, look, it doesn't matter what your degree is, it doesn't matter what your training is, it doesn't matter your background and experience, nothing matters except for results.

[00:35:00] And so, yep.

[00:35:02] And so the way that we get results

[00:35:04] is we get really good at delivering results. hard and you're not going to gain confidence. So like that is always the truth. We're not talking about charging for things that don't have value. Right. But really it is the mental junk because once you and we take people through a cognitive behavioral method of like once you believe that what you have doesn't have value, all of your, your, your, you know,

[00:36:21] emotions and feelings and thoughts and actions, they all line up

[00:36:25] to match up with what you believe. that to you. Like nobody wants to work with somebody whose doubts are like vomiting all over them. And even if it's not that obvious, how we say things really does matter. And so like a little tonal shift here, a little pause here, a little just lack of confidence in what we do and the value

[00:37:41] of what we offer really comes through like it does. And people won't tell you that because they're

[00:37:45] not even aware of it. They're not going to say, the fight or flight response, as you know, and probably a lot of your listeners know is like such a crucial response.

[00:39:02] And it's great for competition to do so like when we're working with I think for you to like exercise has always been one of those things. Um, but there's other things too. And you can tweak things and, um, you know, just having that awareness of like, again, where are you right now from a stress standpoint or an emotional pain standpoint or whatever

[00:40:22] your thing is in your life, where do you want to be and how can we work to get there?

[00:41:25] Well, this is your book. I can't wait to be patient. But the idea of like, time isn't happening to me.

[00:41:34] I am, we call it the CEO versus the frantic employee. So if I'm the CEO, I am in control of my time. I am planning my time. I am prioritizing what I do with my time. Or I'm the frantic employee

[00:41:41] that's like on their heels and like blaming everybody else. Like, you know, like, I have too much to do. Right? And that is like such a passive place to be. Because once you believe that, you're gonna be running around the entire day doing probably a lot of stuff that you don't actually need to do, because you want to be right. I have too much to do. I don't actually want to have space in my life, because I'm telling myself that I have too much to do. And because our

[00:43:02] brain wants to be right, it finds ways to support that that when they're coach at just enough time. Yeah. Yeah, that's powerful. Yeah. It really shifts things for me because, you know, with four kids and like, you know, school hasn't even started yet. And then we got soccer practice like every night of the week. And like I start thinking about out and then you start spiraling, right? And then you start like solving for problems that don't exist or inventing new problems.

[00:44:24] And then your brain was like looking for chaos. just saying, I love watching you play. Is there, because I mean, I like it, but I'm always about like, yeah, I mean, I just think there's, hey, there's some, there's some better things I think you can add to that. What do you do then as a parent, whether it's a good performance or a bad performance, because we always debrief the same way, regardless of how they do, right?

[00:45:40] Because we're not gonna be dictated

[00:45:42] on the performance on the outcome.

[00:45:45] But what do you do then as a month? her the pride in herself. So that's kind of where those are coming from because of course she's of the age where she's looking over to see my reaction. And I've had friends that are like, just tell them to have fun. Like it's all about fun. And I'm like, yeah, but also,

[00:47:02] especially as a mom of girls, I'm like, if she's not learning to run somebody over

[00:47:06] on the soccer fields, like, they're not. And so trying to get her to just keep coming back to that for herself. That feels right to me as a parent. You know, time will tell. But that's kind of what I'm focused on because I really want her to get that

[00:48:22] sense of like, whether we win or get it. Yeah, exactly. That hesitation piece that like, especially I think the girls in sports, it's like, well, is it my teammates ball? Is it like, no, no, no, no. You know, go hard, ask questions later.

[00:49:40] Yeah.

[00:49:41] Want to listen to your favorite music,

[00:49:43] but you're sick of all the commercial interruptions

[00:49:46] and negative news today. We were still explaining what this is. I mean, sometimes even now, but, so it's like, I think there's a lot of, when you're in this field and you're seeing a lot and you're following a lot of people that are doing this, you start worrying that there's too many people doing it or that people won't pay for mindset coaching or mental performance coaching.

[00:51:00] I would think that a lot of your listeners,

[00:51:02] if they're interested in being a mindset coach,

[00:51:03] have that thought.

[00:52:05] even, you know, bigger sports, soccer goalies or basketball, but they have a unique story or not even a unique story,

[00:52:07] just their story.

[00:52:08] And I would just say that like for the right person,

[00:52:11] there is the right mindset and mental performance coach.

[00:52:13] And that person doesn't have to be you or me.

[00:52:16] I think that's like really, really important.

[00:52:18] Like whatever brought someone to becoming a mental coach

[00:52:22] is like their thing that makes them so unique

[00:52:24] and the world needs that.

[00:52:26] And there's some people that can only hear their message.