Ep. 116 - Robert Paylor - The Hinge Moment of a Broken Neck

[00:00:09] Welcome to Mental Toughness with Dr. Rob Bell. Each week, Dr. Rob sits down with athletes, executives and expert coaches to talk about mental toughness and their hinge moment. Here's your host, Dr. Rob.

[00:00:23] I remember one time that I was walking through my house and it was a tougher workout. You know, I was struggling through it and I was complaining. My mom was sort of spotting me right behind me and eventually I just stopped.

[00:00:42] I was like, old Robert Paylor, would it just slap me across the face right now if he could have? And this sort of perspective gave birth to a phrase that I use and encourage a lot of other people to use called compared to what.

[00:00:57] So we think I'm like, oh man, I'm really tired right now but compared to what? Or there's a lot that I'm going through but compared to what? There's a lot that I do have and there's a lot that I can do.

[00:01:11] Now that statement is not meant to dismiss our challenges. I think it's very unhealthy when we dismiss our challenges. Ignores it. The challenge will never go away if we do that but what that statement is meant to do

[00:01:22] is put our challenges down in the perspective because it helps us realize that what we're going through is overcomeable. Folks, when I finished my 100-miler, I was happy to be done but I wasn't finished.

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[00:02:48] Livemomentus.com You have these guests in life and then on the podcast who I just think in life, like you know they're meant to impact others in the world. Some other guests on our podcast that have done that that I really recommend checking out.

[00:03:04] Obviously Stephanie White, Episode 105. Michael Bent was Episode 103, the elected champion. Danita Waters, Episode 100. She's a repeat guest. She again was one that was struck by a car thrown from her bike and the rehab she had and she just finished riding across the United States on her

[00:03:24] bike. Pratidipathic, Episode 94 who suffered horrific death from her son and then Karen Sparks, Episode 90 whose episode title is Her Heart Beats for Three. Today we have one of those guests on Episode 116 this week. Our guest has had a massive hinge moment. He's impacted so many

[00:03:43] different people's lives. He was a University of California rugby player in the national championship game on May 6, 2017 when he became paralyzed in the middle of a play very early in the game. We're going to talk with this individual today but the doctors even told him when I spoke

[00:04:01] with them before doctors told him that he'd never walk again. The best that he could really hope for was to bring his hand to his mouth to basically feed himself in which in his own mind he immediately

[00:04:15] thought well you obviously don't know me. His next book, what his book is going to be out, is going to be released. It's called Paralyzed to Powerful. Our guest today is Robert Paylor.

[00:04:27] Robert, man thanks so much for joining us bud. Thank you for having me here Dr. Rob. I'm very excited. Absolutely man. Well I try to do my best. I had to reschedule because I just didn't feel

[00:04:37] I was prepared enough for this and now that I haven't been able to get your story but I'll listen to tons of podcasts. I'm ready. I'm excited man. So you're in college, you're a sophomore, you're 6'5", 245. I mean you come from already a powerhouse there in California

[00:04:57] from school. You go into Cal and you're a sophomore and you wake up that morning right? May 6th, 2017. You wake up that morning thinking you guys are going to win national championship. Yep that's exactly right. What kind of stands out to you man about

[00:05:15] you know before the incident happened about that day? What stands out to me is I woke up thinking it was going to be the best day of my life. It was a day of legacy. You know as you explained I'm a

[00:05:26] sophomore at Cal competing in the collegiate rugby national championship. You know I'm competing for the number one team in the nation. To start as a sophomore on a team of this caliber

[00:05:36] and a game of this caliber wasn't an easy or common thing to do. It was really one of those moments where you open your eyes in the morning and you think wow I've been training my entire life

[00:05:47] for this moment and we're finally here. It's a mixture of nerves and excitement. Just to kind of give some more context to reaching that day. I didn't start even playing rugby until

[00:05:59] I was 16 years old. In America it's kind of a niche sport. Most of us have heard of it and we know it's this mixture of football without pads but kind of a continuation of a game like soccer.

[00:06:10] There's no stoppages. You just keep going. It's a tough sport. It's a brutal sport and my high school over in Sacramento, Jesuit High School is the winningest American high school rugby program. I think that counts as around 11 national championships and they started in kind of

[00:06:28] the late 90s. Yeah pretty good and you know I grew up playing sports my entire life. I was especially good in contact so at the time football was really my main focus

[00:06:40] athletically. A lot of my friends were playing rugby and they said you know Robert you're a good athlete. You've got a knack for putting your shoulder on someone but you've got a great team here.

[00:06:48] Think about going playing rugby for us and one day I decided I was going to do it. I was going to give it a try. I did and it was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.

[00:07:01] Immediately I'm you know in football I always kind of had my hand in the dirt so I wasn't getting the ball much and here I am kind of a bigger guy getting to score and getting to participate

[00:07:10] in all this. I enjoyed the camaraderie of the sport and like that really tight knit community because it is such a niche sport. When you meet someone else in America who plays rugby it's a

[00:07:22] big deal and you can really dive into it. You just automatically have this connection and it afforded me the opportunity to eventually go play at UC Berkeley. Now having a very successful high school program just a two-hour drive over to a very successful collegiate program

[00:07:40] there was a lot of folks who would make that transition from Jesuit high school over to Cal and my shoulder was eventually tapped to go compete for UC Berkeley and I think the

[00:07:50] thing that struck me most about this program is that I was going to reach my highest potential on that team. There were some other teams that I could have gone to and I probably would

[00:08:01] have started right away and it probably would have been an easier path into that but I always would have known that if I went to Cal maybe I could be a better player, a better student,

[00:08:12] you know maybe even just a better a better well-rounded person and that was really attractive to me so I decided to go to Cal. Started out kind of low man on the totem pole you know

[00:08:22] everybody was that big fish in the small pond and you just got put in the ocean. Everyone was the MVP and the captain of their team and I had to earn my way to that position.

[00:08:33] First year you know kind of put in my reps making the other guys better and buy my sophomore year had proven myself to be the best in my position on the team and afforded me that opportunity

[00:08:44] to be in this game which was you know of course a day of legacy when you're a national champion you're not just a national champion for that day you're a national champion for the

[00:08:53] rest of your life and I knew that and I wanted that for myself my teammates for the program and its fans and players who came before and the players who'd come after it was it was a big day for me.

[00:09:09] Hey good-looking if you like this podcast and are already a badass but it's all way too complicated then visit our website DrRobBell.com and schedule call with us to help capture your very own hinge moment. I appreciate you laying that out man so you're already doing a

[00:09:42] great job of the interview buddy. You're doing better than I am. You know I always say there's no former Olympians either right like there's no former presidents you know there's once you're

[00:09:53] an Olympian you're always an Olympian so I mean it was well said man. So the game starts out it's very early in the game you're getting in the scrum and then you know you guys are

[00:10:02] getting ready to score and I'll post the link on there so people can actually see that play because it is kind of eerie I mean someone starts committing a foul and you get your head in a head

[00:10:12] lock and then walk us through that and I mean really that and you kind of talked about the terror that you faced at that moment. Yeah just a chilling moment you know on this day

[00:10:24] we were competing against Arkansas State. I don't think Arkansas States ever won a national championship. I don't know how many they've competed in over the years so we came into this game feeling pretty confident you know we're fighting for our 31st national championship on that day

[00:10:41] since then the program's had 33 national championships and I think the only program at any sport any level that has more championships than that program is the Harlem Globetrotters and their games are rigged so we were doing all right so we definitely we came in with this

[00:10:54] kind of bend there done that approach. We had dissected a lot of game film from this team we knew their weaknesses and how to exploit them we knew their strengths and what we needed to be

[00:11:04] looking out for and then it was about a minute and a half into the game that Arkansas State committed a penalty so we do what's called kicking it into touch with this penalty it

[00:11:15] allows us to kick the ball at a bounce and then we're awarded a line out sort of an in bounce where that ball goes out of bounds it was about seven meters out. Now this was an obvious

[00:11:26] mauling situation for us which we were lethal in in that year and for those who don't understand the language of rugby a maul is when the bigger guys regroup together in a single unit and then

[00:11:38] we start pushing forward to advance the ball and the defense's job is to come straight in and stop us from pushing forward very much the boiler room you know very much where

[00:11:47] the big guys the strong guys thrived and that was me you know like you said six foot five weighing in at 245 pounds I was on that field to move people that was my job I was a workhorse and

[00:12:00] I was thinking this is my moment I'm going to pound this thing in when we watch this in game film the next day I'm going to get a nice pat on the shoulder it's going to be a nice job Rob

[00:12:06] nice job all of you guys who really put in the legwork to get us to get our momentum started early so we could win this championship and as I'm doing that the opposing players they just

[00:12:17] start making these illegal moves and referee's not calling anything so three players entering from the side all infractions in rugby beings you're not allowed to do but the ref doesn't call it and

[00:12:29] the first player that enters in from the side binds my arm down in a neck lock so he's pinning my chin down to my chest now normally in rugby this is an automatic yellow or red card and immediate

[00:12:40] suspension from the game but the refs not calling anything now I think as an athlete there's kind of two courses of action you can take in a situation like this you can sort of stand up and

[00:12:51] put your arms out to the side and you say hey ref what's going on try and draw some attention to it so you get that penalty call and you can keep going I wasn't about to make any excuses I kept my

[00:13:01] shoulder level down and I kept my legs moving forward and as I did that there are number six on the team chopped me down by my legs I start going down that critical bind around my neck

[00:13:12] he improves his mind I can't get my head level up and I just remember I closed my eyes I grip my teeth and I felt this god awful crunch in my neck and then it was just like poof like I opened my eyes

[00:13:26] and it's like I was in a completely different life you know my body was totally numb like that pins and needles feeling you get when your arm falls asleep or something um you know sometimes when

[00:13:39] it's really intense and you're poking this thing you're like I hope this thing wakes back up that was over my entire body from about below the collar bone down and you know in a continuous game like this

[00:13:50] you kind of just instinctually pop up in a moment like this sort of you know instinct tries to get me to move and then very quickly I realized oh I can't move my legs oh I can't move my torso

[00:14:02] my arms my hands I can't move anything and I liken it to a nightmare and you just can't wake up and I'm screaming there on the field while the play continues to go on the referee didn't even stop

[00:14:16] play um so the terror that I felt within me was unbelievable and I just started thinking about other stories I've seen of this immediately I started thinking of Eric LeGrand who was a Rutgers football player and on a special teams play he was on kickoff

[00:14:34] made a tackle and and he broke his neck and you know you get the updates years later Eric is one of the most positive people I've ever met it's amazing the things that he's been able to do

[00:14:44] and the positivity that he's maintained throughout all this you know Eric still deals with some very significant mobility challenges due to this injury and he deals with significant paralysis from the neck down and I just think that's going to be me I mean I immediately start questioning

[00:15:04] all of my goals everything feels in jeopardy I'm thinking am I ever going to be able to play rugby again you know that thing that makes me feel most alive or am I ever going to be able to even

[00:15:15] go back to school or see my friends again or you know have a good career have a family year I kind of just envisioned you know potential future where I'd just sort of be sitting in a

[00:15:28] wheelchair looking out a window for the rest of my life my mom's kind of spoon feeding me one day she passes away and I'm just kind of dealing with caretakers it was a very

[00:15:38] grim possibility that was in front of me and these are all just thoughts that are swimming in my mind in the first couple of minutes they're very very much you know survival focused

[00:15:51] thinking that my life has just completely changed and I'm praying dear god do not let this be true this just can't be in my life right now I know that again with when those fouls were taken

[00:16:04] place and some of the research that I did I mean USA rugby has apologized about the way that they handle that situation and even the investigation in that did the player ever reach

[00:16:17] to you yet he has not reached out to me really yeah he hasn't and that was one of the more difficult things that I dealt with in this injury because you know it's one thing if it's just

[00:16:30] a fluke and you know let's say you know something happens while you're driving and you know you slide on some black ice and break your neck or it was simply just a mistimed tackle

[00:16:43] and then you break your neck but what happened to me was clearly caused by this bind around my neck yes there were a lot of penalties that happened in that play but there was only one that broke

[00:16:56] my neck if you were to take away that bind and leave everything else in there I would have just fallen down on the ground and popped up like I have hundreds of other times and the hundreds

[00:17:07] of other malls that I've been in where they collapse it's very common for them for a mall to collapse I'd say probably about half of them do but only one of them did somebody not get up

[00:17:18] it's because of this binder on my neck so at first I didn't really know what happened it was also quick and then it was a couple days later that this photographic and video evidence started to produce itself where where there was clearly an illegal bind that was maintained

[00:17:34] and strengthened all the way down to the ground which had caused my paralysis and when I first saw those pictures I wanted to be angry I mean I wanted to hate this person

[00:17:45] you know when we might talk about a little later but this is when I was in a hospital bed dealing with pneumonia I couldn't swallow anything my not just my quality of life

[00:17:54] was uncertain but whether I would even survive at all was uncertain I was really fighting for my life it was difficult to know yeah difficult to know that I was going through all of this

[00:18:07] because of the actions that someone did and the lack of remorse that I was seeing was very troubling now my faith is very important to me born and raised Christian and what in this moment

[00:18:23] it was kind of a wwjd moment what would Jesus do I knew in that moment you know as a person living out my faith that I needed to forgive this person but also for my own mental health being able to

[00:18:37] focus on what I needed to complete in this moment to stay alive and get better and maintain positivity in my life I had to forgive this person so very early on I made the

[00:18:47] choice to say that I forgave the person and I say like very specifically say that I forgave the person because I didn't feel like it at all people would ask me Robert what do you think about

[00:18:58] this guy what's your take and I would say I forgiven and I wish him well but deep within me I still had a lot of hatred that I was harboring on to um but as time went on days turned into

[00:19:10] weeks and then months and I continued to say those words I just didn't miss a beat very much kind of a mind over matter type of situation really controlling my mindset and

[00:19:20] influencing my my outcomes I kept saying it and as that time went on that hatred slowly went down and that animosity just slowly vanished where I could say I forgave him and I really felt it

[00:19:33] within me too so you know I'm on day gosh I think it's day 2120 since May 6th of 2017 when all this happened and um and he still hasn't reached out to me to this day did anyone from the school or university throughout the all this time reach out

[00:19:52] there were there the the coach did not reach out to me from their team um yeah but there have there have been members of the Arkansas State community who have sent their their condolences

[00:20:02] letting me know that they're very inspired by all of this and um you know and only wish me the best and I truly appreciate that and you know I don't know why this player hasn't

[00:20:12] reached out to me you know there could be a litany of reasons um you know he could have received sort of legal counsel um on this which is which is understandable I don't think it's entirely

[00:20:22] excusable um and even the statute of limitations I think for this is it was two years um you know I'm five and a half years into this thing so that's a significant amount of time where

[00:20:32] there is no legal implication and I never even wanted to pursue that I wanted to move on with my life didn't need to be dragged back down into that um you know but if he ever did

[00:20:42] he did decide to reach out I would tell him wholeheartedly that I that I forgive him um and that of you know of course this is a very difficult journey for me but I'm in a very good

[00:20:51] place and I harbor no hard feelings whatsoever I wish him nothing but the best in life but I'll tell you that was a significant challenge for me um in in my life and I think there's a

[00:21:02] lot of people out there who have people that they need to forgive maybe they even need to forgive themselves about something or maybe there's even an uncontrollable situation that they're dealing with that's really just grouping them um we always have to make that choice

[00:21:17] to choose forgiveness um we always have to take that path I think it's one of the very few generalities that is just always applicable um some people say you know Robert I would use

[00:21:28] that sort of fire me throughout my recovery you know be be that fire that kept me moving forward and I think if you stand too close to the fire for too long you're going to get burned

[00:21:39] nobody wants to live their life with hatred in their heart and um you know it takes a long time that's a really important thing to point out it's a process but that process is always worth it

[00:21:49] and um and I truly believe that if you stick with it I don't know how long that might take but but stay the path because because it is worth it and I do believe that

[00:21:59] that at least saying those words and choosing that expression will lead to that inner peace right right no it's a powerful man I got a feeling too Robert I don't think anybody I think that'll happen I think it's probably delayed it's not denied I think that would

[00:22:14] definitely happen um and just how uh right I mean it's on God's time not on ours so completely right now look forward to that day when you when you do get that conversation

[00:22:25] me too you know with um and with that said I mean specifically about just like the rehab I mean you spent a year then in Colorado yeah I mean there were times where you struggled breathing even

[00:22:41] swallowing for yourself um the rehab you you spoke about like putting you know your socks on getting out of bed that that continual struggle um when you kind of just reflect on it now and

[00:22:57] still like where you're at now what um what stands out to you man about you know that initial year of of what you're going through oh it was uh it was really controlling my mindset um

[00:23:11] you know like you said I had to fight for my life I couldn't swallow anything it took three days to get a feeding tube down my nose to my stomach because I broke my nose so many times

[00:23:20] by the rugby um I mean I couldn't breathe on my own uh got pneumonia and whenever something like it stuck in my windpipe I couldn't cough it out I would I mean really panicking trying to

[00:23:32] you know fill my lungs up as much as I could and push it out but I just didn't have the strength I was totally helpless we had my nurses uh therapists my mom just slamming down on my chest

[00:23:44] trying to move the stuff out on my lungs just so I can breathe I mean it really felt like death was with me in that room just waiting for me to quit um but I wouldn't quit you know and

[00:23:56] then I can then I take finally get over that and enter a rehabilitation environment um where they actually had a very positive outlook um where they said uh or maybe a positive way of saying it

[00:24:08] and they said Robert we don't know what's gonna happen to you like we don't know where you're gonna progress from here you might walk out of these doors one day and you very well might

[00:24:18] not but we're gonna guarantee you that we're gonna give you everything that modern science and medicine has to optimize this recovery and we will work you as hard as you want and yeah my my

[00:24:29] explanation is I didn't come over here to Denver Colorado to look at the look at the rocky mountains all day um I came here you didn't come here to paint did you yeah that's

[00:24:38] that's exactly right I came here to move my body again and um and get my life back um so whatever is the most rigorous schedule that you can put together give it to me um because I want this

[00:24:50] more than anything in my life and that led you know to me coming in where I was paralyzed from the chest down to where I could eventually twitch a finger and twitch a toe and yeah

[00:25:02] you're later I walked out of those hospital doors and you know while that's in an immense accomplishment um they came with with immense difficulty and challenges to stay that consistent

[00:25:13] for that long not really knowing if it's going to pay off in the future and like I said in the beginning of this answer it was all about controlling my mindset um you know as as athletes

[00:25:24] we you know we spend a lot of time doing things that we don't want to do um you know nobody really wants to go run until their legs are just like like spaghetti noodles and you're feeling that

[00:25:36] burning your lungs nobody nobody wants to push themselves uh you know to that that pain and that discomfort the early mornings late nights you know going out when it's raining or snowing

[00:25:46] whatever it is um you don't you don't you don't know me Robert but keep on going brother you're the one guy who enjoys that yeah I'm a bit I'm a bit insane when it comes to that stuff

[00:25:56] man but I'm getting rough man go ahead and for punishment yeah but you know um you know I would say probably one of the reasons why you enjoy this because you know you're making yourself stronger

[00:26:06] mentally and physically and you know that's that's why athletes pursue pursue those difficult things is for the payoff and um and that builds it I think that builds up an ability to control

[00:26:17] your mindset and be positive about difficult things um but when I was in that hospital bed before a surgery that I went into which was a potentially life-threatening surgery my doctor explained that I needed spinal fusion through the front of the neck my body was already

[00:26:32] very deconditioned a lot of important real estate right here things can go very wrong in a surgery like this and he told me I had about an hour to make my decision on if I wanted to go in or not

[00:26:43] and before the surgery the first phone call I made was to my religious advisor and I'm asking for prayers and advice and he gave me this piece of advice before I had the phone

[00:26:55] that's really stuck with me ever since it got me through that first year it continues to get me through my difficult days and it gave me a lot of power in what should have been a powerless

[00:27:04] situation and he said throughout this journey to Robert there's gonna be a lot of things that you can't control but the one thing you'll always have control over is your mindset so

[00:27:15] your positivity your ambition your willingness to wake up every day and fight this is up to you this circumstance can't take that away from you and there might be things that happen to us in our

[00:27:25] lives you know like injuries like you know let's say you're competing on a team and you get you get dropped down a level on the depth chart you've worked really hard to be there you're

[00:27:35] just not seeing your performance paying off on on the field or you know you're a coach and you've had you know difficult circumstances maybe your team just isn't performing the way you want

[00:27:45] it to there's a lot of things that you just really can't control but I think regardless of what we're going through we can always choose the right path we can always choose to maintain positivity

[00:27:56] about our futures you know we're not always going to feel happy every day in gung-ho and ready to get out there but regardless of how we feel we can keep moving forward you know for me

[00:28:07] when I was in that hospital I think anybody who saw me would tell you that I maintained a lot of positivity and there were a lot of people who came in that room sort of expecting to help me

[00:28:18] and I think I helped them with their mentalities is what is what they told me at least that seeing seeing that positive positive mindset ambitious about the future setting goals and ways that I would achieve those goals you know seeking something really optimistic

[00:28:34] something much more than just being able to feed myself but one day standing up out of my wheelchair and never needing to sit back in it again and that was my mindset that was when it was 2am or 3am

[00:28:46] and my respiratory respiratory therapist is saying hey wake up we need to start pumping on your lungs right now so you can breathe or when it's day three and they're shoving a tube

[00:28:56] up my nose down into my stomach for two hours straight when I got blood going everywhere and it's the worst pain I've ever felt in my life you know but I got to eat and I want to breathe

[00:29:06] and when I'm in the hospital and it's like oh I don't really want to put in nine hours of rehabilitation just struggling to go from point A to point B on my feet I did it because I wanted the I wanted

[00:29:19] the end goal and um and I had that mental fortitude to realize there's a lot of difficult stuff going on in my in my life right now um but I'm gonna rise above that fear and that complacency

[00:29:31] to just sort of sit down and accept what's happened to me I'm gonna keep pushing forward and I'm gonna fight this and that's within my control this injury just can't take that away from me it might

[00:29:40] break my body but it's not going to break my mind right or your spirit man fantastic with so Robert with that man and talking about helping other people I mean you you coached youth rugby and there was a specific kid you know Talon 12 years old and that shift

[00:29:57] from where you wanted to get better and obviously do and still do and that became a main shift you you found out that you're going to be able to make a difference in so many people's lives can you share

[00:30:09] like that that story and how that was yeah I changed everything for me because um when I lost my ability to play rugby I really lost my purpose in life right you know that's the thing that

[00:30:21] got me out of bed every morning that was what people knew me as was being really good rugby player and then that was just gone one day and you know while I do maintain hope to you know walk again

[00:30:33] not need a wheelchair ever again um rugby's just simply out of the equation for me and that was a really difficult thing for me to grasp and it's about five days into my injury that my

[00:30:44] high school was hosting a prayer service for me and maybe to give more context to that I can explain this relationship with this kid Talon who you mentioned um where when I was at Cal I would

[00:30:53] come back in the summers to my high school where I learned to play rugby and I coached youth rugby camps kind of age range probably 10 to 14 years old and then there's just one kid whose name is

[00:31:01] Talon um he's kind of a Rudy type you know he just like he plays his heart and like everybody just roots for someone like that and I remember I'd given the ball and pick him up like bobbin and

[00:31:10] weaving in between these 12 year olds so he could go score but like we had this really great bond and kind of fast or going back to where I was my high school was hosting a prayer service for me

[00:31:20] about five days after my injury and my dad shows me his picture on his phone of someone who I don't recognize and he's obviously fighting for his life his hair is white and thin his skin is pale

[00:31:31] his body's just skin and bones and then my dad tells me that this kid is Talon and Talon was fighting stage four cancer it was a part of this picture that his mom had written a caption

[00:31:44] it began along the lines of Talon wanted so badly to be at this prayer service for Robert today but had to be in the hospital undergoing chemotherapy and he's wearing his Jezebel rugby shirt that the

[00:31:54] team gifted him in his first round um of chemo and it's Talon's goal that when he beats this cancer he wants to go play rugby and Robert inspired him to do that and the message goes on

[00:32:03] further to this last sentence that's just seared into my soul and changed everything for me and it says stay strong and keep smiling Robert your strength helps Talon stay strong too and tears just went down my face because I realized that overcoming this injury is not about me

[00:32:25] it's about him it's about all the people in this world who are inspired when I choose to find another day and I'll tell you it's not easy to keep moving forward I think a lot of

[00:32:35] people could do really well in an injury like this for you know a few weeks a few months five and a half years into this thing and I've got plenty of years ahead of me until I maybe accomplish my goal

[00:32:47] of not needing a wheelchair anymore and it's difficult to wake up day in and day out and answer that bell and when I'm walking around my house you know at the beginning of it I'm

[00:32:57] kind of cruising along by the end of it I'm practically screaming with every step is everything I have just going from point A to point B on my feet and it's not the only pleasure

[00:33:08] that I get being able to walk a little bit further every day that keeps me going it's a selfless commitment to others I realized very early on that this story has power to it has the power

[00:33:21] to change people's lives and their perspectives and help them go through their challenges it really seemed like like a gift from God at that point to where this wasn't a curse this didn't

[00:33:32] have to be something that defined me in a negative way it'd be this hinge moment that sent me on a new path and a trajectory that was greater than I might have ever even had if this didn't happen

[00:33:45] in my life it gave me back the purpose in my life that I had lost and sent me on on this this direction to use what happened to me and turn it into a gift and that's a gift that I can

[00:33:58] share with other people and I think that's something that's so important for all of us to have is a selfless commitment in our lives to when we do something to not just do it for ourselves

[00:34:09] I think that's fine to have some sort you know a selfish motivation of course I want to walk and get better for myself but above all of that I want to make a difference in other people's

[00:34:18] lives and you know maybe maybe for us that's our teammates that's our family that's our friends or it's those people who really inspire us that maybe we don't even personally know but when adversity strikes us and we struggle to find that reason to keep moving forward and

[00:34:33] to show up every day that commitment is our reason yeah that life for others is a life of purpose and that purpose gets us to overcome our challenges yeah um kintsugi is um

[00:34:46] you know Japanese repair of cups and bowls and instead of trying to hide the broken bowl they illuminate the repair so it's it's made of like gold dust and you actually see where it's at you you spoke about tragedy has given way to purpose

[00:35:07] I guess my question is this and I'm hoping you can elaborate on this but one of the fascinating things I've come across in life is people when they talk about their worst day they also talk about in the same breath they end up becoming their best day yeah

[00:35:21] can you uh can you share with us about what you meant by like that tragedy has given way to purpose yeah yeah I'd love to talk about that you know it's funny you bring up that method you

[00:35:31] talked about in my um in my living room is the jersey and and rugby shorts that are cut off my body in the hospital um before I went into that surgery and uh and you know we put it together

[00:35:46] in a frame and you can see you know all all the cut marks and everything just sort of pieced it back together and um I think it's such a powerful statement to be able to look at that jersey

[00:35:56] and even you can look at that right there and you're like there's the story behind this and it's something probably kind of tragic that happened um and that's kind of you know that's

[00:36:07] day one and then I look at myself here on day 2120 and think of everything that's happening between them and and it illuminates how that tragedy turned into purpose in my life and that was a

[00:36:23] very difficult thing for me to realize you know there's there's a lot of times when I just sort of wished that that this had never happened to me um I wish that I just fell on the ground

[00:36:34] and stood up and competed in the rest of the game held up the trophy with my teammates and continued on the wonderful wonderful life that I had and um and when I started was when I really started speaking

[00:36:49] public speaking that I fully saw the realization of that tragedy turning into person's purpose sharing my story sharing the tools that have helped me overcome my challenges then having these one-on-one conversations with folks afterwards talking about

[00:37:05] things that they were going through and how this was helping them and little specific tools that they were going to start using in their day-to-day lives and it finally illuminated that purpose and I think the first time that I really thought about this I was in Denver

[00:37:20] and I was on a rough day had been a couple weeks since I had really had any inkling of progress with my injury and you know it's kind of discourage I'm like I'm putting forth

[00:37:30] all this effort you know I hope this pays off but but I don't know and I was feeling discouraged and feeling bad for myself and sort of like I really wish this never happened and my dad was like

[00:37:44] he was like look at all the things you've done Robert the things that you're doing I mean I had to go fund me for my injury at that time to help pay for the medical expenses I'm sure

[00:37:54] as you can imagine breaking your neck is not a smart financial decision we needed help and we got it immensely financially and emotionally mentally and spiritually as well reading the messages of folks you know what they'd be saying you know I'm fighting through cancer right now

[00:38:14] but I see yours I see your faith your hope and your perseverance and it gives me faith and hope and perseverance as well you know never stop for people who had lost loved ones people who were

[00:38:26] had a spinal cord injury I mean just there's a litany of things that I've seen you know through this website and through social media messages as well and we went we would read through those

[00:38:37] and it became so clear that what happened to me on that day was not the worst thing that ever happened to me maybe it was one of the best things that ever happened to me you

[00:38:48] know not I mean the response you know was so amazing you know I wouldn't ever recommend that anybody goes out there and breaks their necks right because because of what it's what it's given to me

[00:39:01] you don't you don't have to actually go through it to be able to maintain these principles as well I think if you have strong empathy for your for your fellow man then you can learn these these

[00:39:10] lessons and have that same perspective and and but that response since that day has led to the purpose of my life and like if I could go back to May 6 of 2017 and change what happened to me

[00:39:25] I wouldn't I mean I just couldn't because I'm so proud of where I am now and how could I ever wish away my life's greatest purpose and it's pretty clear that my purpose was was born out

[00:39:37] of that moment when I broke my neck and developed and the 2000 plus days that have followed to where I am now where I look back and that moment was not a tragedy that moment it turned into a gift

[00:39:51] and I could never wish that gift away you know I love how you know the your mess has become your message yeah when Hal has and I know you and I spoke about faith early on you've spoken about faith

[00:40:06] already in this but how has God been here throughout this whole process for you yeah I mean he's been there in every single way you know one thing that I really grappled with in the

[00:40:19] beginning was thinking that that God kind of did this to me I always believed that God had a plan for my life and that plan was good when this initially happened it was really hard to see

[00:40:31] how this could be according to a plan and how that plan was good but I started seeing you know all these messages from folks who are really being inspired you know me trying to take on

[00:40:40] a positive mindset throughout it all embracing it destroying my mindset throughout it all and I had sort of come to the initial conclusion that um that this was of the divine and this was

[00:40:51] was part of my plan and I was embracing that and I was talking about this with my religious advisor and he was like but hold on God did not break your neck the number eight from Arkansas State

[00:41:04] who has free will made a move that broke your neck all the good things that have come out of it your strength the healing that you've had the inspiration you've been able to provide to others

[00:41:16] and this wonderful community that has developed because of your trust and your faith of God and him working his wonders on you and those who are exposed to this like that's God and um

[00:41:30] and it was kind of one of those light bulb going off moments from like you're exactly right God doesn't want bad things to happen to us in our lives but if we trust in him and we work with him

[00:41:42] then there is nothing that he can't turn into good and um and I live with a lot of a lot of faith and a lot of hope through that knowing that God is with me every step that I take and

[00:41:54] through every single one of the hard days that I have that um that everything's not just going to be okay but everything's everything's going to be good and um I mean I just I pray every

[00:42:04] day now and just with so much gratitude um stashing for God's will to be done in my life and and grateful for how it's it's turned into such amazing things and um I I truly felt the presence

[00:42:17] of God throughout all of this yeah and I love you sharing that man I mean personally I've always felt look it's great when people hold up the trophy and say you know God is good

[00:42:28] wonderful I mean God is always good it's just you know the circumstance is even better but I've always I think most people can relate to people that go through situations like yourself and overcome

[00:42:38] and persevere not just make it through but the the betterment of others to say you know God God is good man I mean this is through the strength of that so that's the power and and

[00:42:51] the strength I hear what you're sharing um Robert somebody is listening to this for the first time and hearing you speak and you know they're they're just struggling right I mean they're going through something and somebody's always struggling with something what's the message that that they need

[00:43:07] to hear man what do they need to hear from you yeah I want to encourage everybody to really utilize perspective in their lives the right way um this was something that was rather difficult

[00:43:18] for me at first that um that I've sort of built up as a tool that's really aided me because I think we spend a lot of time is looking up and we see all the people who have you know have everything

[00:43:28] going seems like they have everything going on in our lives they have everything that we want we compare them to what we're going through and we just think oh gosh my life sucks

[00:43:38] am I like my life's terrible um we don't spend enough time looking down looking at the people who are really going through a tough situation right now those millions of people in this world

[00:43:49] who would give probably anything to be us and to have what we have in our lives and um and it was probably like after the first month my injury when I was really clearly able to see this um I could

[00:44:02] spend a lot of time looking at my my life before my injury comparing it to what I was going through and saying that my life is terrible and thinking of all the things that I've lost um or I could

[00:44:11] look at myself when it was a huge accomplishment when I could sit upright and chair for more than 10 minutes without passing out um or when I was fighting that pneumonia unable to eat lost 60

[00:44:23] pounds that first month and was just hoping and praying for just the chance to be able to fight out of this injury um not not the guarantee and not the end result but just wanting the

[00:44:36] chance to be able to give everything that I have to hopefully get some recovery back and um I remember there was one time that I was walking through my house and it was a tougher workout

[00:44:46] you know I was I was I was struggling through it and um and I was complaining my mom was sort of spotting me right behind me and eventually I just stopped and I was like old Robert Paylor

[00:44:56] would it just slap me across the face right now if you could have um and this sort of perspective gave birth to a phrase that I use and encourage a lot of other people to use um called

[00:45:07] compared to what so we think I'm like oh man I'm really tired right now but compared to what or there's a lot that I'm going through but compared to what there's a lot that I do have and

[00:45:21] there's a lot that I can do now that statement is not meant to dismiss our challenges I think it's very unhealthy when we dismiss our challenges it ignores it well the challenge will never go

[00:45:31] away if we do that but what that statement is meant to do is put our challenges down in the perspective because it helps us realize that what we're going through is overcomeable there is

[00:45:42] so much that we can achieve there's so much that we can always be grateful for um and just always important to realize there's just millions of people in this world who would rather be in our situation on their own there's always someone who has it worth

[00:45:54] and I think it's it's upon us um to to be respectful of them to appreciate the things that we have and whether we're going through something really difficult or sometimes whether

[00:46:03] we're having a normal day and someone asks you you know how are you doing and we say fine every single time someone asks me how I'm doing and I have a normal day I'm saying great

[00:46:11] because there was a time when I would have given anything just to have a quote unquote normal day um when we live with that perspective I think it's it's kind of the key to happiness

[00:46:20] um to help us start to appreciate what all the things that we do have in our lives and the things that that we should be utilizing um to be where we want to be and have some more

[00:46:29] contentment and and gratitude for for what we have. Can you share with us, I just have two more questions but the first one's this man can you share with us like um because the belief perspective is definitely it's it's a superpower perspective and gratitude can you

[00:46:47] share with us specific to time um how was your relationship with time now? Yeah I think um I used to have much more of an immediate satisfaction um type of mindset when it was regarded to time

[00:47:06] um you know I'd work hard for a couple weeks and I needed to see some results to to feel encouraged and and to keep going down that path um and I think a lot of us fall into

[00:47:18] a trap nowadays and since I had this this injury I started just thinking of everything in terms of goals and whatnot on a very long term basis um realizing that this I'm not going to walk tomorrow

[00:47:33] or the next day or the day after that um it's going to take me years to be able to accomplish this goal and I need to maintain that patient uh yet active trust throughout it all um for me

[00:47:47] specifically in sort of my recovery chart I think at first it was pretty linear maybe it sometimes it was exponential over the past few years I would liken it more to a staircase so I will

[00:48:01] spend sometimes a two three month period working just as hard as I can and I'm not seeing any progress it's just going straight from left to right and um and but you know I've been

[00:48:13] doing this for a while I know it pays off I know I want to walk again and to walk again I got to keep putting forth effort and then it'll just shoot up like I'll double my PR or have some immense

[00:48:25] physical accomplishment that happens and I stay there and I'm fired up I'm happy I got my progress I worked hard for and then I repeat that cycle where I'm going a few weeks I'm

[00:48:35] going a month without anything um but I'm continuing to show up and I'm continuing to to fight off discouragement um because I know that it pays off so this is about the long game and um and I don't

[00:48:48] always have to have a PR kind of day to be able to be satisfied I just need to know that I gave it all my effort um that one thing that I can control and then I'm going to be and then

[00:48:59] I'm going to be satisfied and then I'm going to be okay um so it's it's yeah my how I equate time you know in terms of my recovery and you know in goals has has really changed um because I have such a

[00:49:13] I have such a bold goal in my life um and um and it fuels me it keeps me going and I'm but I'm also realistic about where I'm at I know it's going to take a lot of time but I'm here

[00:49:23] for the ride. Want to listen to your favorite music but you're sick of all the commercial interruptions and negative news today tune into cucko radio dot com music for your mindset we're a commercial free online radio station play nothing but hits our free ios and android

[00:49:41] apps are available for download at cucko radio dot com. I love it Robert yeah my last question man is like what question should I be asking that that I'm not asking? Oh man that's a good question

[00:49:58] um yeah it's the first time I've ever been asked that you know when I think about it I I always want people to ask me like what do you want someone um to go away from this this conversation

[00:50:12] feeling and the thing that I tell to the audience member who's listening to this right now is don't just keep doing life the way that you did it before you heard this.

[00:50:22] Don't get up out of bed tomorrow and just pop up out of bed and don't even think about it because for me it takes a really long time to get out of bed there's one time that I couldn't even

[00:50:35] get out of bed and um and that's a gift to be able to just get out of bed you know to go stand and brush your teeth that's a gift to be able to make your breakfast as a gift to be able

[00:50:46] to drive to work as a gift to be able to work as a gift um there's so many things that that we deal with in our lives that we kind of just take for granted becomes normalized and um we don't

[00:50:56] really think about it we don't really give thought to how important it is in our lives and trust me I was there too and I deal with it to this day but I think it's important for us to stop and

[00:51:08] take a moment um at what we do have in our lives how much we can achieve with our lives we got to use these things we have we've got to be grateful for these things we have so

[00:51:19] you know so don't don't just keep doing life the way you've you've been doing it um you know use some of the perspective that this that this story may have been able to give you to see the world a

[00:51:30] different way you know to hold the door open for people um when you're walking through to walk by someone and give them a smile and start really appreciating all the all these things we have

[00:51:41] because we can't just expect it to always be there that's not how life works every day that we get is a gift so we ought to treat it like that embrace it like a gift be grateful for it like

[00:51:52] a gift um use this very special life that we have yeah well said man I uh I fell off a 80 foot cliff when I was in college you know mine was a little bit different uh I did it all to myself I had

[00:52:06] no idea where I was and drugs and alcohol and um and afterwards you know this was 90s and Lance Armstrong came out with his book then and whatever we kind of think about Lance is fine but

[00:52:19] he had a quote and he just said if you ever get a second chance of life you got to go all the way and so the reason why I said that earlier about men you know you don't know me it's because um

[00:52:33] in some twisted way man I look as being able to run in the rain or four in the morning it's it's making myself uncomfortable so I can still be in touch with the perspective and gratitude

[00:52:46] that yeah this glass of water is going to have when I'm done with this with this piece of suffering you know so I I'm thankful I get to choose the suffering that I have because I think if

[00:52:56] we don't have it we lose the perspective we lose that gratitude very very well said Mike drop moment man that is a mic drop moment Robert thank you so much man for for joining us

[00:53:09] we're going to put your links on there but why don't you just share real quick the website that we can we can find yet absolutely website is robert paler.com and I'm on pretty much every

[00:53:19] social media site I've kind of got a monopoly on the name Robert paler not alone a lot of those out there so very easy to find me very easy to connect I post daily stories of my

[00:53:29] my rehabilitation just showing that it's not always about the top of the mountain you know it it's about it's about the climb to get there and um that consistent work so I try to try to

[00:53:38] instill that on people and help fuel their mental diets um but uh it's such a pleasure to be here today and would love to connect with anybody who's inspired by this absolutely thanks so much

[00:53:49] brother thank you thanks for listening to mental toughness with Dr Rob Bell to find out more about Dr Rob visit his website at drrobbell.com or follow him on twitter at Dr Rob Bell and subscribe

[00:54:17] to the show on your favorite podcast platform to get the next episode of mental toughness as soon as it's available thanks for listening and we'll see you next time